Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
