You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
