I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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