nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
