the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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