I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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