They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
