Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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