Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize