You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
