he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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