I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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