Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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