he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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