i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
