I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
