I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
