Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
