my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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