nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
