i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
