note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
