I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
