I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
