I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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