oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
