How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
