Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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