Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
