my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This house was built for laser tag.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
