I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
