i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
