The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
