don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
