I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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