You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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