We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
