is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
