Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
