Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
