so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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