I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
