Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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