Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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