Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
