Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
