His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
