it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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