you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
