I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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