the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
