I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hippo gnu deer
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
