hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
