my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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