hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
