She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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