I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
