I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
3pm strippers are depressing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
