dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
