can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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