we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
