Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
