You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
look no pants
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
