I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
ttyl tear gas
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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