Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
