bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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