I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
