shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
