Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
