Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
