OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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