I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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