he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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