I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
